Dissatisfied… changes coming (a REALLY long post!)

Very often, lately, I’ve felt convicted that I am wasting away my life ~ that I’m just surviving, instead of thriving. This general sense of unfulfillment has reached into just about every area of my life.

First, I felt unhappy about my current job, and questioned what career path I should be on (I know, for certain, that I’m going to have to go back to school for a new degree as my previous one was never what I really wanted, anyway ~ I’d settled for what was easiest, and supposedly available).

Next, I became dissatisfied with how I spend my free time. Sure, I love reading, and reviewing books, and blogging ~ but none of those things is helping my health, and none of those things is bringing in any (much needed) income.

Most recently, this sense of dissatisfaction has crept into my thoughts about blogging. It doesn’t help, of course, that I was forced into finding a new template for my blog, and that I don’t like the options I’ve been given. I feel that my current choice is very “blah”, and I miss my old template very much.

But templates and the look of my blog aren’t my only qualms: the other is about content. Yes, my blog is about books, so yes, my book-related daily memes (and occasional book reviews and blog-tours) are fitting. I’d like to expand my horizons, though, and do more on a regular basis than just filling out memes.

What I’d like to do is add more “rambles” (like the one you’re reading now) to my blog. Every now and then, I’ll come across a topic of interest that I’ll feel the urge to write about. But I fear that what I have to say won’t be interesting enough ~ that I’ll bore my readers and lose their support of my blog… which, in turn, keeps me from writing this kind of post.

I’d also like to incorporate more of the stuff I put on my other blogs into this one ~ streamline everything a bit more, so-to-speak. For example, I do the occasional spiritual-life ramble at my faith blog (email me if you want the link, as that blog is semi-private). And, I’d like to do more updates on my reading challenges over here, instead of only over at my Challenged2Read blog.

One thought is that I could keep my spiritual rambles on my faith blog — and my challenge updates on Challenged2Read — and then just do a sort of “Shout Out” post over here at Should Be Reading to let you know I’ve posted on one of my other blogs. That way, those who want to read the other posts can follow the link over, and those who have no interest can just ignore it. Which leads me to a question: Would you actually follow the link to go read my other posts, or is that too complicated?

Anonther thing that’s been nagging at me is the sense that I should cut back. I’d like to not always have to post my daily memes ~ some weeks I just don’t feel up to it ~ and yet, I fear disappointing anyone. I know, I know… blogging is supposed to be fun, not a chore, so if I need to take a break, I should. But, I also can see it from the other side of the coin, too, as I have my favorite weekly memes that I, myself, participate in. When those go down for a week (or longer) for any given reason, I end up feeling lost on those days, and not knowing what else to do with myself! LOL. It’s sad, but very true. I just don’t want to leave ya’ll hanging!

Memes aren’t the only area where I feel the need to cut back, though. I’m also feeling it in regards to my book reviewing, and my reading, in general.

I’ve been doing about 4-6 reviews per month, and that really leaves me pressed to get any other reading done (library books, books I own, etc). Not to mention, sometimes life just gets too crazy, and I end up not being able to finish my review books before their blog-tour dates, leaving me with a nagging sense of guilt that eats away at me.

As for my reading: I’m reading more than I ever have before (81 books in 2009, and 59 -so far- in 2010, with 3 months still to go!). But, it’s not fulfilling me. Too much of it is “obligatory”, and not enough of it is “just4theheckofit”.

Back in 2002, I had a great reading year! Most of the books I read, then, were chosen at random ~ books I’d stumbled across via online sources, or while browsing through the shelves at the local library. That was three (3) years prior to the start of my book reviewing “career”, and it was before I became totally obsessed with reading nonfiction and soaking up a ton of knowledge. I’d like to go back to those carefree reading days ~ at least for a time.

This is, in part, why I’ve made the decision to take a break from reviewing. Currently, I’ve set this “break” to last from November 1, 2010 to March 1, 2011. I may change the ending date, but right now, that seems like the best length of time for my hiatus.

I’ve learned from prior years’ experience that I don’t get many books read in the month of December… I’m lucky if I even finish one! My brain just goes off on too many tangents, and I find myself unable to focus on my current read. There’s the whole Christmas prep thing going on, and family gatherings to attend, and it just leaves me too overwhelmed to read.

There’s also the fact that I seem to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder between November and March. I get into a blue funk, and I go through reading slumps left-and-right. So, it’s really not fair to commit myself to anything when I’m really not sure if I’ll even be able to read.

And, lastly, back to my health. I’ve been struggling, for several years now, to get myself into better shape, and to incorporate healthier habits and routines into my life. But I am supposedly insane ( ) as the “definition of insanity” is to “keep doing the same thing over and over, while expecting different results“. Um… duh! If I keep sitting around on my tush all day-every day, reading –just like I have for years– I shouldn’t expect to see any different results in my lifestyle or my health… right? A recent quote I read says, “The biggest key to success is to change your lifestyle completely.” (~anonymous) Well, I guess that means my reading habits –including how much time I devote to that pursuit– have to change, too.

A recent read suggested focusing on what’s truly important in life… because you never know what day will be your last. And while, yes, reading is important to me ~ it’s something I dearly love, and would hate to have to live without ~ it’s also not more important than my health, and it shouldn’t be more important than spending quality time with my family (and friends).

All of this –loooonnng!– rambling to say that, for 2011, I’m going to be making some changes to the way I do things. So, stay tuned!