Read It, Review It, Blog It… It’s What I Do? (a LONG ramble)

The FIRST Wild Card Tours logo

I don’t know if it’s a ‘September’ thing, or what. But, once again I find myself dissatisfied with my reading.

[Edited to add: LOL... I just realized, by rolling over that link with my mouse, that I wrote last year's "dissatisfied" post on the exact same date! How hilarious is that?!]

Once again, I’ve overburdened myself with review books — I’ve gotten greedy, and asked for too many at once — and so I’ve burned myself out and feel like reading is a chore.

And yet, it’s still my passion. I won’t give up reading because, to me, that would be like deciding to quit breathing.

Lately, though, I’ve been considering giving up reviewing for a while. Not forever. I just miss the days when I could pick up a book at random, and read it just because it caught my eye while I was browsing the shelves (be those shelves in my own home, the library, or the bookstore).

It’s sad when you look at the books on your bookshelves and think, wistfully, “I wish I could read that.” But, you know you can’t, because you have obligations to fulfill… books you promised you’d read by certain dates.

Am I the only one who goes through this? Somebody tell me that I’m not alone in this craziness, please!

At first I thought I’d do what I did last year, and take a four-to-five month hiatus from reviewing. I usually take November-thru-January off because I can’t commit to anything in the months surrounding Christmas. Life is too crazy, then, and I know I’ll lack the focus to “read by a deadline”.

I’m really toying with the idea of taking a longer break, this time, though. Maybe even an entire year…

But –and don’t laugh– this scares me! It really does. All of these “what if’s” start running through my brain: “What if I miss out on reviewing something I really would’ve loved?” “What if I lose my place in the list of reviewers for the companies I review for — what if they stop offering me books?” “What if I like the break so much that I don’t want to go back to reviewing later?” (gasp!)

Ah…that last one is revealing. My identity is very much tied up in this. I see myself as a “book reviewer”… So much so, even, that the “FIRST Wild Card Tours” logo runs through my brain every time I say, “I’m a book reviewer” — my brain automatically tags onto that, “Read It. Review It. Blog It… It’s What I Do!” So, giving up reviewing is like losing –at least a part of– who I am.

Honestly, it’s not like I’d be giving up reviewing books, entirely. When I finish a book, it doesn’t matter where it has come from, I will review it. It’s a habit now… finish a book, write a review. So, my readers –here at SBR– would still get to read my thoughts on the books I’ve read. The decision is just whether or not to continue accepting books –for review, specifically– from blog-tour companies, etc. It’s whether or not I want the obligations deadlines any more.

The funny thing about all of this is that review books are still books that have caught my eye and pull me to want to read them. I am still reading these books because I want to. Obviously, no one is forcing me to choose them.

The only difference is that review books come with deadlines, and a sense of duty. I must put them before all of the other books I’d “like to read”. I can’t read anything else until I’ve finished my review books so that I won’t miss a deadline.

So many times, friends or family have offered to loan me books, and I’ve turned them down with, “Maybe later, but right now I’ve got to finish my review books.”

So many times, at my face-to-face book club meetings, the ladies will ask me how I liked the book choice of the month and I’ll have to say, “I didn’t get to read it, as I had review books that I needed to finish first.”

((I am sooooo tired of saying, “I have to finish my review books first“.))

It takes away from my sense of ‘community’, in a way. Eventually people are just going to stop talking to me about books they have read because they’ll think I won’t be interested; they’ll assume that I am “too busy with reviewing” to want to read something else. And that would be devastating.

Edited to Add: A lot of my frustration with reviewing (and more specifically, deadlines) comes from the fact that I work full-time now, and my reading time has greatly decreased. When I started reviewing several years ago, I had no job, and my kids were in school all day, so I had nothing better to do but sit around and read books. That’s all I did. Now, though, I work 9-5 (sometimes 9-7), plus have to take care of the house, plus take care of the kids — including chauffering them to their sports practices — and all the other normal “mom” things. I just don’t have the time, any more… nor the energy, really. Half the time, I just don’t want to read after work, ’cause I’ve been reading paperwork all day, already. That leaves me with some weeknights, but mostly just weekends. I’m grateful to have a job; don’t get me wrong. I’m just frustrated by my lack of time, that’s all.

I want my “freedom” back… freedom to read whatever sounds good at the moment, and to not put off my “in the mood for’s” until later (meaning: I’ll be wanting to read a romantic suspense novel, for example, but will put it off until my review books are finished, by which point my “romantic suspense” mood will have passed me by).

The decision has already been made, I guess. I will take an extended hiatus from “formal” reviewing (deadlines). It’s just a question of how long this break will last. I’m pretty sure I’ll still ask for a book to review, here and there, just to keep my place with the blog-tour/publicity companies, and because I know there will be books I can’t bear to pass up! LOL.

I have 5 books left to get to, and then I”ll start on this “vacation from reviewing”.

Stay tuned, as I will have LOTS of great “other” books to review for you — books I’ve bought that I’ve been anxiously wanting to get to!…”Vixen” by Jillian Larkin | “Small Town Sinners” by Melissa Walker | “Entwined” by Heather Dixon | “Between” by Jessica Warman | “Fallen” and “Torment” by Lauren Kate… and many more!

Maybe I’ll even be able to start reading some of my “Friday Finds” shortly after “finding” them, instead of just adding them to a “future TBRs” list!

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